Bad day at the office.

Usually this job is rewarding, exciting, fulfilling. Despite my whinging, I’m often pretty fond of the job I get to do. Sometimes it sucks, but even within that suckyness is the opportunity to help people get through some pretty dark times, or to help people not get through in a peaceful, pain free way. A huge unwritten part of this role is helping patient’s family members get through the loss of their loved one.

But I stuffed up. I obviously can’t go into details because of confidentiality. This is hard to write even without details. I still feel sick when I think of it. What I did made an awful situation for a family almost unbearable for them, and I’m having a really hard time making peace with myself over it. It’s made me realize what a huge responsibility I hold in this job and by getting complacent over it, I’ve directly affected some vulnerable people in a very negative way. In 10 years time, some young adults are going to remember the day a very important person passed on, and while they may have made peace with her absence, they will remember me with negativity and channel the terrible emotions of that day at the person who made it so much worse. I wasn’t responsible for her death, that was inevitable, but I sucked at my job and they will remember that. I’ll remember that. Sure, there’s positives buried deep in it, I’ll never make the same mistake again and my other patients will benefit from that. But I can safely say that it was my worst nursing experience ever, and it shouldn’t have happened. I’m on the home stretch now in terms of medical nursing, I start my new role in just a few more shifts, but I guess it goes to show you can never stop learning and growing, even when you think you have your finger on the pulse. Almost literally.

Not even sure how to end this blog entry. Goodnight? LJxx


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Selina
    Jan 17, 2012 @ 10:47:15

    Oh LJ, sounds horrible. I hope you are ok. x


  2. Bec
    Jan 17, 2012 @ 19:12:01

    Oh honey. Everyone has bad days, I’m sorry this was a particularly difficult one. Please don’t beat yourself up too much xxx


  3. Pozycjonowanie Kielce
    Feb 13, 2012 @ 09:43:19

    whoah this blog is fantastic i love reading your articles. Keep up the good work! You know, many people are hunting around for this info, you can help them greatly.


  4. Melissa Mitchell
    Feb 18, 2012 @ 09:08:35

    Damn. I’m so sorry. Try to remember that you meant well – you weren’t *trying* to hurt them. It does matter.

    Thinking of you AND them. xxxx


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