Online Dating Rant

On the dating website I use, there are a stock standard list of ‘rejection’ responses you can give:
-Sorry but i don’t think you’re my type.
-Please add more information to your profile.
-We don’t share the same interests.
-I am too busy right now.

I’d like to add my own suggestions to the list.
-Sorry, but your piercings would give my Mum a stroke.
-How do you know “I’m really hot.” I haven’t given you access to my photos.
-Sorry, but travelling to Malaysia to date you would really mess up my weekends.
-Sorry, but you’re married.
-There’s a thing called punctuation.
-Sorry, but you’re 5 foot nothing.
-Please actually read my profile, do I sound like the type of girl who wants to go clubbing all the time?
-Unfortunately, you have the body of a god, and I could never be naked in front of you.

Also, some tips for men doing internet dating.
-When choosing photos, try not to pick the one of you and 8 mates all crammed into a tiny pic. I’ll either assume you are the hottest one then be disappointed, or assume you’re the ugliest one and not accept your request.

-A conversation consists of chatter, questions back and forth, some jokes, and a reasonable level of interest from both parties. When I have to ask you 8 questions in a row, to one word answers, it becomes an interrogation. I’m not interested.

-Don’t tell me you need my mobile number to send me a pic, then send me 18 UNANSWERED text messages in a row, over the course of a couple of weeks. Really? Take a hint dude.

-Don’t trash talk your ex. Especially if she is your child’s other parent.

-Similarly, starting your profile paragraph with a statement like ALL YOU STUCK UP COWS WHO PLAY MIND GAMES AND CHEAT AND LIE CAN GO TO HELL, I’VE BEEN BURNT BEFORE AND I WONT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN, SO IF YOU AREN’T HONEST PLEASE LOOK SOMEWHERE ELSE AND THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. It happens more than you’d imagine.

-Did I mention punctuation? Pls dont rite a paragraf dat looks lyk dis cos it just makes u look lyk an uneducated dumbass who doesnt no how 2 spell or rite a propa sentnce its reely not sexi 2 cum across as sum1 who doesnt giv a toss bout there gramma smart brainz r hot brainz doncha no

-After a few minutes of nice, charming, funny conversation, please don’t spoil it by referencing your willy, masturbation, sex, blow jobs, “a bit of after dinner exercise” or boobies. Even punctuation and grammar won’t save you here. You were doing so well, too.

Wow, doesn’t all that make me sound nasty? I just feel that a dating website is almost like an advertisement of the self. I don’t understand why you would put that image of yourself forward? Its common sense, people. Happy dating, LJ xx

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Hurricane Katwina
    Nov 23, 2011 @ 11:05:45

    I LOLed

    Reply

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