Disordered

Everything is still going swimmingly for me, I couldn’t be happier. But having a chat with some very dear friends, their ringing alarm bells started ringing them for me. Granted, I’d had a few shandies at the time, but figured it was worth documenting.

My eating habits, on paper at least, are alarming. I vomit regularly, often self induced. Well, its always self induced, but sometimes its just from eating too much/the wrong things, other times its because I’m feeling full and guilty, so I make myself vomit to feel less guilty.

For  so long, before surgery, I would eat too much, and then feel guilty for it. Now that it takes so little food to feel full, I still get that guilty, ashamed feeling the second I feel overfull. God, this is a bit messed up. In my head, although its certainly disordered eating, its definitely not an eating disorder. I’m avoiding stretching my teeny tummy, and most of the time I’d vomit anyway, so I’m just bringing forward the inevitable.

 

Of course, the real problem is why I overeat in the first place. Ok magic answer, hit me. Ready, aaaaaaand go. Failing that, time to make an appointment with my psych, I think?

 

Thanks Mandy for the kick in the butt ❤

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