I’m an idiot. I’m seeing Boyfriend again. 2 days ago he begged for me back, he’s seen a counsellor, wont smoke etc. I told him that no, not for another month, to make sure he isn’t smoking. I went on a date, it sucked, I called Boyfriend, he came over, and I told him that I wouldn’t date for as long as he isn’t smoking. It was nice, we had a chat, got all lovey dovey, and established ourselves as in a relationship, in everything but name. For a month, then we’d reassess.

Today he calls me and says he thinks I should date. He doesn’t want to hurt me again. He hasn’t smoked, and doesn’t think he will, but he’s not going to see a counsellor anymore. Its “weak as piss.” The intelligent woman in me knows, KNOWS that he is distancing himself from his support network, so he can smoke. He still wants to be with me, long term, and is happy with the “very special friends” arrangement we have going.

I told him that what I want, is him, drug free. SO as long as he is drug free, I’ll be date free. The second he stuffs up, I’m out. And that it will hurt like hell, regardless of whether it happens now or then, so to factor that into his decision to smoke. And if he lies to me, he’ll never hear from me again.

Also, I NEED a date for an upcomming wedding. So he has to behave himself for the next 2 weeks and 4 days. Stay tuned for the next installment, no prizes for guessing how it will go. If it were a friend carrying on this way, I’d have slapped her silly. LJ xx


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