Putting my money where my mouth is. Or was.

So, in a previous blog I mentioned giving up my happiness for Lovechilds. Well – a couple of days ago I had to put my money where my mouth was. Some aspects of Boyfriend came out that were ever so incompatible with growing old together. As much as it sucked, I simply had to put an end to it, mostly for Lovechild but also for myself. It had only been just over a month but it hurt. Really freaking badly. Logical LJ who knew the issue was a no brainer was battling it out with Emotional LJ, who wanted to justify that a life of growing old with a pot head wasn’t quite the big deal I was making it out to be. Fortunately, Logical LJ is a pushy, overbearing cow who got her way in the end, and there were no 3am teary phone calls begging him that I’d changed my mind and to come back.


I very (embarassingly) publically changed my relationship to Single on our favourite social media site. Recieved a large and lovely amount of love. Had morning tea with my favourite ladies. Organised for him to come get his stuff. All the normal things a girl does after the break up of a relatively short but intense relationship. Sent the small child to BFF’s house, so that she wouldn’t be here when he came over, in case we fought or I cried or we had breakup sex. I really wanted to quiz him further on some of the stuff he said the night before, but not with the intention of a reconcilliation – I actually didn’t even see that as an option. As much as it sucked, his future drug use intentions were a deal breaker.


When he arrived, we moved awkwardly around one another for a few minutes, I busied myself chopping carrots (soooooo many carrot sticks at dinner that night :P) while he sat and had a drink. We had a giggle over some of the things that were said last night, which broke the ice a little. Then we sat, and he told me that he’d been thinking, and he couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. He said he’d fallen for me (I actually flinched, thinking he was about to drop the L bomb in desperation) and that he realises that even though he regularly gives up for a year or so at a time due to the nature of his work, the problem lies in the fact that its always been a part of his future plans. He said he realises that the ‘company’ of regular drugs in his future would preclude him from the companionship of someone, and he’s realising at the moment how much that companionship means to him.  He’ll see a GP, counsellor if needed, and would I help him? It was totally unexpected, and I asked a billion questions (I get my interrogation skills from my Mum) and he laid it all on the line. Everything. It wouldn’t be the right thing to go into detail on here, but I am cautiously certain he was completely honest. I’ve commited to help him as long as he keeps me posted and is honest every step of the way.


So, he’s cold turkey. We’re back on. One thing I’ve taken from all of this is to keep intensely private things out of social media. Are blogs social media? Theoretically, this is anonymous. I’ve never mentioned names, although someone with stalking abilities could quite easily work out who I am. Wonder if I should move over to blogger and start fresh? I think I’ll stay here for the time being, but if I ever go missing, go check out the same username on the other blog hosting sites.


For those ‘IRL’ friends, family and serial killers, thank you for the love, advice, unconditional support and delicious iced coffee. You guys rock. LJ xx


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. KK
    Feb 25, 2011 @ 09:15:51

    Nawww…you sound just like your mother!


  2. Naz
    Feb 25, 2011 @ 11:10:54

    Good Luck Rebster. xx


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